a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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