btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
