we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
