guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
