Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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