Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
