i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
