as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
These tits shall not be calmed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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