Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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