I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
