we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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