Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
