So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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