Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
