i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
