I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You may now shotgun with the bride
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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