I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
