If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
