I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
