Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
