i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
