he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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