You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will be naked everywhere
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
