You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
