and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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