i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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