I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I could make wine with my vomit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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