so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
