There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
