Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
