Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
