Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
