I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
