You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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