went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
