he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
