Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
