Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
