Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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