I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
