I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
