THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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