I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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