Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
