Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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