my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
