hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
