Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
