Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
