I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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