East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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