Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Terrible idea I love it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize