My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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