is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
