You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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