So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
