Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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