you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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