My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize