the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
