this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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