Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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