the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My vagina is very pro this idea
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