sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
